It was a rough night!

After having my second child, I realized I very rarely refer to them with their real names. My oldest, when a baby was called booger....I don't have a clue where that came from, but he was booger,,,boogs for short. When my younger boy was born, boogs became squish, and the newest addition became sqeaker...and those are the names I lovingly relate to my children. The funniest moment is when I realize my husband had begun using the names as well. There is nothing funnier that a 6'3" 275lb man calling sqeaker to a toddler running down the street...now try to envision it....you smiled too didn't you?

Squish has every once in a while, awoke in the middle of the night coughing. When this happens, I become filled with dread because I know whats coming next. I scramble out of bed....running to his room in hopes of catching him before it happens. If I am lucky, I make it, if I am not so lucky...I have a very large clean up job because, without fail, the coughing leads to vomitting. And every mother knows the misery of middle of the night cleanup. This particular night, the coughing started, but squish made his way on his own to the bathroom, missed the toilet, and was sitting in nastiness by the time I got to him. Showering was a necessity in this case! After the shower, I put squish back to bed with the infamous pot that you are given in case the 'episode' were to repeat itself later in the evening...which, of course, it does not because you are prepared....this sort of thing only ever happens when you are not prepared.
Not wanting to leave my baby boy alone so soon after getting sick, I layed in bed with him for a moment, rubbing his hair, and watching as his eyes were fluttering off to sleep. I asked him if he was feeling better. He slowly nodded his head as he started drifiting away. I quietly asked him if he wanted me to leave him be. His response will live with me forever....as I looked into the beautiful little face of my oldest son, eyes closed he asked me the most obvious question of all "why would any boy want their mommy to leave them be?" My heart sung. It is in these moments of inconvenience, sleep deprivation, when you look at a mess and realize your mother isn't here to clean this one up...that these little people rely on you to do the 'yucky' job....it is in these moments that God will show you how appreciated you really are. My five year old son appreciated me more in that moment that even he could realize....and I love him even more for the purity and honesty that came with his question......it was sincere.....it was amazing....

I think, looking at my children, the biggest realization was pointed out by my oldest sister. The amount of love I have for my children.....This is how my mom felt about me! When I look back at life, that reality amazes me. My mom loved me this much.....you cannot appreciate that until you have your children.....now go thank your mom!!

Where did the fun go?

I am pregnant. My two children are ecstatic, mommy & daddy are too...the problem? Our old Sable will not fit our new addition and the now 3 car seats the back seat would require. So yesterday we did what we had been putting off for quite some time,,,,we bought our first mini van. I have wanted one for some time, but lets face it, they are not cheap. As our children were piling into the Grand Caravan that we were now the proud owners of, they were thrilled. The van gives them freedom, it gives them independence, it gives them a DVD player! Mommy & Daddy, however, viewed the van differently. Instead of seeing the beauty and majesty that came with our shiny new van, we couldn't get passed the $500 monthly price tag that was attached to driving it. The higher gas bill, the larger tank, and God only knows where that will put our insurance payment. The dread piled up in the pits of our stomachs everytime we looked at that beautiful van. So where did the fun go? When did becoming a mommy make it so much harder to find a moment of enjoyment within all the worry? Why couldn't, if even for a second, I enjoy the 'newness' that surrounds our newest purchase?
Its amazing, even my 2 year old wants to go 'bye bye' for no reason. He loves being able to climb into the magical sliding door and into his own car seat. Although on our way to church this morning, he did get into a fight with his car seat. Every time he tried pulling himself up, the clothe and padding pulled up with him. He would then get down, push the cloth and padding back into place while yelling at the seat "stop seat, stop". When finally getting in, he looked at mommy with those beautiful brown eyes, pointed to his seat, and in words only he could find told mommy "it boken mommy, seat boken". In that moment, I smiled. Our van made my children happy, and from that I found happiness.
Its amazing when I look back over life. It will amaze me forever that becoming a mommy wasn't a goal of mine. I was selfish, I wanted everything for myself, and when my first son, unexpectedly, was on his way, I knew my life would never be the same. What I didn't realize was the love, the wonderment, the amazement that being a parent brings with it. Life doesn't begin, at least not mine, until I had my babies. I am growing another one. As I type, my body is doing what it was designed to do, and it is forming new life. It is creating this amazing little person that will grow into an amazing adult...and all I can do is sit back, with worry of course, and wonder how will I ever make all the right decisions. Every once in a while, when I get a glimpse of sanity in my ever hectic life, I realize it isn't about make all the right decisions, its about doing the best you can, enjoying the little things in life, and teaching your children the virtues. They don't need to know what to do in every situation, they simply need the necessary tools that you are taught in kindergarten. The tools that will help them make any decision that life will bring to them. And it is my job to teach them the little everyday enjoyment that life brings them. Living in the moment, enjoying what God has given you, and knowing you are blessed. Being a mommy brings lots of worries,,,,living in Michigan right now brings even more. But everyday I smile, laugh, love, pray. Everyday I know my life has never been better......and the worry that comes with it is a small price to pay for all the love I get from the life I live with my family. I look forward to sharing it......